A baby was born in a manger in the town of Bethlehem in Palestine that was bombed out by the illegal Zionist occupation.
in fact a massive wall that stretched for miles in both directions could be seen from the manger
that night Golda Meir heard that a special baby was born that could stop Israels occupation, and bring back the Spudist religion
Golda Meir sent out a task force of special ops Israeli soldiers to kill the baby, and its parents
they knocked on every door of every house, every business, every house of worship to look for the baby and its parents
after hours of searching they could not find the baby
in defeat Golda gave up
many years pass and the baby, who was named Cornelius became a boy, then a man; that was when the All-Father came to him
Cornelius was the first true believer of the All-Father in thousands of years
his duty was to bring Spudism back to the world, this he did
with his powerful voice and message he spread the word of the tater to all who would listen,
thousands would come from all over the world to here him speak the powerful words of the All-Father
however his words of the power of love and potatoes maddened the illegal occupiers and thus they came to him and took him to a detention center,
Cornelius was tortured and beaten by the Israeli soldiers,
after a day of being tortured Cornelius was released,
he could never be stopped and thus he returned to preaching the word of the All-Father
an Israeli soldier who was a hundred yards away thought that Cornelius had a knife (that was really a pamphlet) shot and killed him.
as he lay dying Cornelius with the power of the all-father turned into a massive potato disappeared.
Monday, December 21, 2015
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
More Psalms
Cast your spud on Cornelius, and he will sustain you; he will never permit potatoes to be stolen
Psalm 55:22
As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me potatoes
Psalm 138:3
Unto thee I lift up mine potatoes, O thou that dwellest in their Spudlands
Psalm 123:3
My spuds O'Cornelius are creamy; I shall cook and grow potatoes with all my soul
Psalm 108:1
Psalm 55:22
As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me potatoes
Psalm 138:3
Unto thee I lift up mine potatoes, O thou that dwellest in their Spudlands
Psalm 123:3
My spuds O'Cornelius are creamy; I shall cook and grow potatoes with all my soul
Psalm 108:1
The Celery Farmer
Celery is a profane fruit, and those who grow it are the scourge of humanity.
Once a long time ago after the desertion of man from the All-Father their was a man who grew celery. Celery was not seen as a negative force in the world because without the guidance of the All-Father man was ignorant of the harms of celery and ate it in large numbers.
For this reason celery farmers existed, and passed their foul trade down from father to son. One of such farmers was named Harry. Harry grew much celery. He was one of the main contributors of evil to the world. The celery he grew were long and had large shafts. They were shaftastic.
The All-Father destroyed him and his profane fruits.
Once a long time ago after the desertion of man from the All-Father their was a man who grew celery. Celery was not seen as a negative force in the world because without the guidance of the All-Father man was ignorant of the harms of celery and ate it in large numbers.
For this reason celery farmers existed, and passed their foul trade down from father to son. One of such farmers was named Harry. Harry grew much celery. He was one of the main contributors of evil to the world. The celery he grew were long and had large shafts. They were shaftastic.
The All-Father destroyed him and his profane fruits.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Genesis pt 1
In the beggining their was nothing but chaos, but from this chaos came the All-Father and with him his seed;
On the first day the All-Father spread his seed everywhere, and it coagulated to create matter;
On the second day the All-Father shaped the many stars in the sky from his coagulated potatoes, to light the universe;
On the third day he carved all of the animals of all the worlds from his holy seed; and thus man was made;
On the fourth day; man rejoiced in the All-Father and his holy seeds that nourished all;
On the fifth day the All-Father made the animals of the worlds minds so that they would have intelligent thought;
On the sixth day, man reaped their boon and gave their finest potatoes to the All-Father to replenish his seed;
On the seventh day man was stupid and forgot the glories of the All-Father. in their minds he was replaced, but the All-Father forgave them and still helped them. Man was lost from his course for many years;
But eventually a very special baby was born....................
On the first day the All-Father spread his seed everywhere, and it coagulated to create matter;
On the second day the All-Father shaped the many stars in the sky from his coagulated potatoes, to light the universe;
On the third day he carved all of the animals of all the worlds from his holy seed; and thus man was made;
On the fourth day; man rejoiced in the All-Father and his holy seeds that nourished all;
On the fifth day the All-Father made the animals of the worlds minds so that they would have intelligent thought;
On the sixth day, man reaped their boon and gave their finest potatoes to the All-Father to replenish his seed;
On the seventh day man was stupid and forgot the glories of the All-Father. in their minds he was replaced, but the All-Father forgave them and still helped them. Man was lost from his course for many years;
But eventually a very special baby was born....................
Friday, December 11, 2015
Zealot Mail!!!!
Spudtatations!
You all have my deepest apologies on not having a post for some time. My life has been very busy due to several potato conventions that I have attended as well as a yam festival. Who knew broccoli could actually taste good, when paired with yams anyway.
I have also been preparing evening mass for Spudmas which as usual is on the twenty fifth of December. If you do not know Spudmas is a holiday celebrating the birth of the baby Cornelius in a manger in Palestine.
I digress, I am writing this blog to show how awesome some of the truest followers of Cornelius are. People have really been loving these recipes so I thought that I would post a couple of the photos sent to me by adoring Zealots.
This first image is of one of the fantastic zealots of Cornelius spud eating thy holy tubers
You all have my deepest apologies on not having a post for some time. My life has been very busy due to several potato conventions that I have attended as well as a yam festival. Who knew broccoli could actually taste good, when paired with yams anyway.
I have also been preparing evening mass for Spudmas which as usual is on the twenty fifth of December. If you do not know Spudmas is a holiday celebrating the birth of the baby Cornelius in a manger in Palestine.
I digress, I am writing this blog to show how awesome some of the truest followers of Cornelius are. People have really been loving these recipes so I thought that I would post a couple of the photos sent to me by adoring Zealots.
This first image is of one of the fantastic zealots of Cornelius spud eating thy holy tubers
Antonius Milkweed sent me a letter
Dear Papa Papa
Ever since I found Cornelius and he gave me much of his creamy seed my life has been changed. Every day on my table is his seed. every day that I wake his seed is in my mind. I love him and he loves me, that is why he gives me his seed. I am blessed to bask in his shadow, to live by his example so thank you Papa Papa, thank you dearly for this Centrifuge, this place where all of the All-Father's holiness lies.
Sincerely,
Antonius Milkweed
P.S.
I love you and sometimes when i wake up I feel his potatoes, his seed all around me in my bed.
Another fantastic Zealot sent me another photo of Thy Holy Roast Tubers that they made. This mans name is Publicus Pubicus
Hey P POPS!!!
Your centrifuge has greatly inspired me to live a better life and to eat more healthily with a tuber based diet. I love how fiery and ash-tasting your recipes are. They really help me lose weight in fact i believe that i have lost about 300 pounds since a week ago when Cornelius first came to me and showed me this Centrifuge.
Anyways i hope you enjoy this photo I sent you of the recipe i saw here. Thank you so much.
with much faith
P. Pubicus
P.S. Here is a photo from before my tuber based diet days.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
The Accountant
There once was an accountant who went clickety clackety clackety clack all day on his accountant machine. he was a true believer in our lord cornelius spud. he counted up a farmer's potatoes, the holy seed of cornelius that he gives to all of his true believers. the accountant had many a time and again received the holy seed of cornelius and he ate it all.
His life went along as an accountant and a believer when one day he was no longer able to do hiss accounting. he had forsaken the ALL-FATHER and no longer praised the holy potato.
His bucket was found and it was kicked and he never made it to the Spudlands.
Monday, November 30, 2015
Week 3 Psalm
when i am potatoless i put my spud in you.
Psalm 56:3
Bonus Psalm
He who dwells in the shelter of the Potato, will rest in the shadow of Cornelius.
Psalm 91:1
Psalm 56:3
Bonus Psalm
He who dwells in the shelter of the Potato, will rest in the shadow of Cornelius.
Psalm 91:1
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Week 3 recipe
Thy Holy Toasty Yams
Ingredients
53 yaks (not based on their shelf life)
5 buckets of potatoes worth of honey
1 yakbladderful of salt
1 yakbladderful of pepper
Directions
1) Place thine yams in skillet
2) pour thy honey on to thy yams
3) sprinkle thy salt and pepper onto thy yams
4) blacken
5) enjoy
Ingredients
53 yaks (not based on their shelf life)
5 buckets of potatoes worth of honey
1 yakbladderful of salt
1 yakbladderful of pepper
Directions
1) Place thine yams in skillet
2) pour thy honey on to thy yams
3) sprinkle thy salt and pepper onto thy yams
4) blacken
5) enjoy
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Exclusive Channing Tater Interview
Exclusive Channing Tater Interview
Q: Welcome Channing Tater it's great having you today!
A: Well it's great to be had!
Q: So, you are an actor, a performer, and potato rights activists, how do you explain your achievements?
A: Well, its all basically a lot of luck, and of course my blessings to Cornelius that have given me my success.
Q: Interesting, that leads me right into my next question, we are a pretty ostracized minority out in the world,
what made you convert to the church of Cornelius Spud?
A: Not many people know this, in fact I am writing about this in my upcoming autobiography 'Creamy: The Life and Times of Channing Tater, by Channing Tater'. Before Cornelius came to me I tried multiple different religions. I tried Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, I was even a Nun for a number of years, but i felt that my spiritual experiences were still lacking something. Something loving and taterly.
Q: Wow that seems like a very life changing moment.
A: Yeah it really was, it was as if a part of my soul had been missing my whole life and Cornelius came upon me and filled me with his holy seed.
Q: So how long has the ALL-FATHER been with you?
A: Hmmmmmm... when i think about it, i think he came to me a month or so before I got the role for 21 Spud Street.
Q: Wow that has been quite some years, surely you know how our community loves your movies
A: Aah they flatter me, truly. i have had a lot of positive feedback from the community. i think they are all amazing, yeah man, they are so great.
Q: Would you say that being the only spuddy actor in Hollywood has helped or hindered your success?
A:its really disappointing but i would certainly say that i have been discriminated against in the industry. i just really wish that people saw that spuddy people are people too. after 21 Spud Street, i came out and it was not as successful as i think it should have been. it was not nearly as successful as my prior movies. it is just terrible how bigoted people can be against spuddies.
Q: what an inspiring speech! unfortunately we are out of time, do you have anything you want to end with?
A: of Course i would like to say
PRAISE CORNELIUS. PRAISE THE POTATO. PRAISE THE ALL-FATHER.
Week 2 Psalm
When i felt mt feet slipping you came with your potatoes and kept me steady.
Psalm 94:14
Psalm 94:14
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Week 2 recipe: Thy Holy French Fries
THY HOLY FRENCH FRIES
Ingredients
1 bucket of potatoes
1 yaks bladderful of salt
1 yaks bladderful of pig fat
Directions
1) cut thy potatoes length wise
2) place thy pigs fat into thy metal pan
3) salt thy holy tubers and fry them until blackened (the blacker the better)
Ingredients
1 bucket of potatoes
1 yaks bladderful of salt
1 yaks bladderful of pig fat
Directions
1) cut thy potatoes length wise
2) place thy pigs fat into thy metal pan
3) salt thy holy tubers and fry them until blackened (the blacker the better)
Friday, November 20, 2015
Story of the Farmer
sorry this Thursday post is late, i will make it up later this weekend with a bonus post.
Their once was a farmer who lived in the hajjic lands of Idaho. He lived with his family; a wife, two dogs and a child. He was of course a farmer of thy holy tuber.
Every day the farmer went out to his crop which Cornelius had blessed upon him. He toiled as he should to grow and to suckle the holy tuber into a big meaty spud. Many spuds had he, he had a barnfull of potatoes, about the volume of 843.2 buckets of potatoes, which gave him and his family sustenance in the winter months.
Cursed is he who does not give proper alms for his harvest and thus it was as the farmer watched his tater pile grow, his soul darkened with spudlust and give alms he did not. Thus it was that the farmer spiraled into madness and was crushed by potatoes by the wrath of cornelius spud. Blessed be his name
PRAISE CORNELIUS. PRAISE THE POTATO. PRAISE THE ALL-FATHER.
Their once was a farmer who lived in the hajjic lands of Idaho. He lived with his family; a wife, two dogs and a child. He was of course a farmer of thy holy tuber.
Every day the farmer went out to his crop which Cornelius had blessed upon him. He toiled as he should to grow and to suckle the holy tuber into a big meaty spud. Many spuds had he, he had a barnfull of potatoes, about the volume of 843.2 buckets of potatoes, which gave him and his family sustenance in the winter months.
Cursed is he who does not give proper alms for his harvest and thus it was as the farmer watched his tater pile grow, his soul darkened with spudlust and give alms he did not. Thus it was that the farmer spiraled into madness and was crushed by potatoes by the wrath of cornelius spud. Blessed be his name
PRAISE CORNELIUS. PRAISE THE POTATO. PRAISE THE ALL-FATHER.
Monday, November 16, 2015
Week 1 Psalm
Psalm 120:1
I took my potatoes to Cornelius; I cried out to him, and he ate my potatoes.
I took my potatoes to Cornelius; I cried out to him, and he ate my potatoes.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Portrait of the ALL-FATHER
As his instrument the ALL-FATHER has given into me the power of art, to create a masterpiece that depicts his elegance in purest form may I present
Week 1 Recipe: Thy Holy Roast Tubers
Roast Potatoes
Ingredients
1) holy potatoes from the Hajjic lands of idaho
2) two yak bladderfuls (the only holy measurement of weight) of salt
3) two yak bladderfuls of garlic
4) two yak bladderfuls of olive oil
Directions
1) dice thine holy tubers into a pan
2) sprinkle thine bladderfuls of seasonings onto thine potatoes
3) watch the flesh of thine holy tubers burn
4) when they are blackened, turn off the heat
5) serve thine holy tubers.
Ingredients
1) holy potatoes from the Hajjic lands of idaho
2) two yak bladderfuls (the only holy measurement of weight) of salt
3) two yak bladderfuls of garlic
4) two yak bladderfuls of olive oil
Directions
1) dice thine holy tubers into a pan
2) sprinkle thine bladderfuls of seasonings onto thine potatoes
3) watch the flesh of thine holy tubers burn
4) when they are blackened, turn off the heat
5) serve thine holy tubers.
Friday, November 13, 2015
Five Pillars
Five Pillars of The Holy Church of Cornelius Spud
1) One must be Spudtized
2) One must grow the Holy Tuber
3) One must give Alms to the poor and needy. These alms may be carrots or other root vegetables.
4) One must not use the most profane of weapons, the potato gun
5) One must, at least once in their life travel to the sacred fields of Idaho.
1) One must be Spudtized
2) One must grow the Holy Tuber
3) One must give Alms to the poor and needy. These alms may be carrots or other root vegetables.
4) One must not use the most profane of weapons, the potato gun
5) One must, at least once in their life travel to the sacred fields of Idaho.
Format of the Holy Centrifuge
Format for this Holy Centrifuge
Monday: Psalm Day
Thursday: Story Day
Sunday: Holy Recipe Day
At the will of the Great Spud their may be posts on any day.
PRAISE CORNELIUS. PRAISE THE POTATO. PRAISE THE ALL-FATHER.
As of December eleventh in the year of our lord Cornelius their is no longer a specific format
At the will of the Great Spud their may be posts on any day.
PRAISE CORNELIUS. PRAISE THE POTATO. PRAISE THE ALL-FATHER.
As of December eleventh in the year of our lord Cornelius their is no longer a specific format
Spudtism
Spudtism
Ritual for the induction into the Church of Cornelius Spud
If you wish to bask in the glory of Cornelius the All-Father, then you must complete these simple steps
1) walk to the right in a circle three times. the first time say Praise Cornelius, the second time say Praise the Potato, the third time say Praise the All-Father
2) Have a Priest of The Cornelius religion sprinkle holy water upon your forehead
3) Murmur the Spuds Prayer to yourself in a corner
Our Cornelius who art in the Spudlands;
hallowed be thy name;
thy Spud kingdom come;
thy will be done;
Potatoes shall be on earth as they are in the Spudlands.
Congratulations you are now a Spudtized member of the Church of Cornelius Spud
Welcome
Welcome pilgrim to the holiest of texts. This is the centrifuge of the church of Cornelius Spud. you must have come to this page for the purpose of indoctrination to this holiest of places. We believe that Cornelius Spud, the All-Father watches over all of us, his children. We have comfort in that fact. Please come, join us, all are welcome to his glorious light. May Cornelius give you a thousand successful harvests. PRAISE CORNELIUS!!!!! PRAISE THE POTATO!!!!!!! PRAISE THE ALL-FATHER!!!!!!!!!
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